Last night I watched The Graduate, a film that is essentially about uncertainty. Given that I was (technically) a film major, I have the training to tear apart the movie's cinematography and editing and mise-en-scene in order to expose its inner workings. Rather than going to all that trouble, though, let's just agree that the movie had a visceral effect on me. It resonated with me. Like Benjamin Braddock, I have no idea what's coming next.

For those of you who haven't seen me in a while, or for new fans just beginning to discover your love of Johnny O'Neal, I should offer a little background. After an enjoyable high school career at John Burroughs School in St. Louis, I spent the past four years studying film and the "communication" side of business at Northwestern University. Though I tried some work in entertainment during summer internships, I found more success (and money) in "corporate communication," work that's best described to the lay person as what happens when you're interested in public relations or advertising, and then you sell out again. As senior year began, I was flying high with a good GPA, some great internships, and a strong resume that seemed poised to launch me into post-graduate superstardom.

But all that changed in the spring of 2002, when my career search entered a downward spiral of unreturned phonecalls and "informational" interviews. I took the internship I did have and spun it into a full-time job. It was there that I hit rock-bottom: writing spam for travel-booking website and notorious pop-up advertiser Orbitz. Finally, even this job fell through. A set of negative experiences (which may or may not have included the 5 million emails saying "Hello Johnny" that I sent to our subscribers) convinced me that writing HTML and sorting marketing databases for 55 hours a week was not the best use of my business abilities. At the end of September, I quit my job at Orbitz and began the search for bigger and better things.

If my life were a Behind the Music special, I'd still be missing the part where everything gets better and I finally find new life in Jesus (or in my case, communication consulting). Thankfully, all signs indicate that redemption is on the way. Any day now I should get a phonecall that says whether or not I'm getting a solid offer from what is currently my best prospect: working for the communication practice of Towers Perrin in New York. Even if that falls through, I have strong leads at other consulting companies and PR firms. Sooner or later, I'm going to have a job.

In the meantime, though, I'm living in a weird, wild state of limbo. Money issues aside, unemployment has its advantages and disadvantages. On one of the first days of my unemployment, I woke up at a friend's house and realized that I could do whatever I wanted to do with my time. On that day, my greatest desire was to go for a drive and eat a relaxing brunch at the International House of Pancakes. That kind of freedom is nice. But then I actually got to the IHOP, and it was just me and all the other unemployed shmucks eating pancakes. The feeling was an appropriately syrup-like one of depressed lethargy. For every unemployed day I delight in downloading mp3s or writing website posts, there's another when all I want to do is interact with people in an energetic environment.

At least I have a sense of purpose, the knowledge that I want to find a good job somewhere (and a decent idea of what I would consider a "good job"). I'll just have to accept the crazy uncertainty. Two months from now, I don't know whether I'll be in Chicago or New York. If I'm in New York, I don't know where I'll live, who my friends will be, or where I'll shop for groceries. Like Dustin Hoffman's graduate, I find some direction thanks to a love interest, but the rest is all a big question mark.

The truth is, it's fun to have so many questions to answer. Now that I've done enough job search work to keep the future from looking too scary, it's exhilarating not to know what's coming next. There's no real sense of dread, just a feeling that I've got lots of opportunities. If it all works out, I'll be a young corporate hotshot before I know it. And if it doesn't work out, then I'll be sure to have some great comedic material for future stories.

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