One day, a happy young Boy is walking to school. Suddenly waylaid by a small buffalo, he kicks it off the road and hurries on his way. But this was no ordinary buffalo. This was Buffalo Man, an organized crime boss with ties to the Mafia. When Boy returns from school, he finds his parents lying dead and mutilated upon the floor. Seeing the bloody hoofprints of Buffalo Man, Boy realizes how his parents were killed. In a mad rage, he runs out of the house and into the wilderness. Sheltered only by the wild watermelon patches, Boy transforms slowly into a vigilante hero. After days of confused thought and introspection, Boy resolves to hunt down his parents' killer. Tracking the bufalito to an abandoned warehouse, he storms into the mobsters' hideout. Unfortunately, Boy is quickly overpowered by the Buffalo Gangsters and thrown back into the woods. It is there that he meets Mortimer, a hobby-horse (or "houyhnhm"). They become fast friends and Boy is impressed by Mortimer's amazing powers of telepathy and telekinesis. Boy and Mortimer join forces as partners in justice against Buffalo Man, and the two heroes travel to the hideout once again. As Mortimer distracts one of the Buffalo Gangsters, Boy confronts Buffalo Man. After a short argument and contrast of idealogies, the two fight and Buffalo Man is killed. Thereafter, Boy dedicates the rest of his life to the pursuit of justice and good, and takes Mortimer as his sidekick.
Time passes, and the two have some crimefighting experiences, but their superhero lives are uneventful. Looking back on their younger days, Boy wishes for a new challenge. Just as soon as he can utter these reminisces, a new threat appears. Buffalo Boy has come to avenge his father's death. Before Mortimer and Boy can organize to defend against him, Buffalo Boy kidnaps Mortimer. Once boy is able to fight back the memories of his parents' murder and the agony of solitude, he tracks down Buffalo Boy and rescues Mortimer. It is during this time that Boy first uses the battle cry of "Watermelon."
After this escapade, Boy and Mortimer suddenly lead interesting lives as widely-reknowned heroes. They begin to fight more villains and criminals, and Boy discovers a secret passageway beneath his parents' home. In the caverns below he meets the mysterious Computer, who creates for Boy a costume declaring him "Watermelon Man." Assuming this as his superhero name, he uses the equipment provided by Computer to further his war against evil. Mortimer and Watermelon Man become household names in all of Northern Lower Michigan, and they spend the next year and half constantly at work. Exhausted and fulfilled, they eventually retire as big-time superheroes.
Now content to defend the Congregational Summer Assebly in Michigan, they leave the world's security in the hands of people like Muffin Man and Beatnik Man. But their rest is a short one, and an idle Mortimer is the devil's workshop. The two begin fighting, and Mortimer turns towards evil with the help of The Ghost of Buffalo Boy. Going on a spree of petty crimes, his actions force Boy to once again don the costume of Watermelon Man. Finally, Mortimer attacks Watermelon Man and stops only when he realizes the horror of his own actions. Disgusted by his capacity for evil, Mortimer travels to a monastery in southern Greece to repent for his sins.
Once again, Watermelon Man is overcome by loneliness. He tries to continue his superhero life, but he just can't seem to make a difference. He tries to employ new sidekicks, like Watermelon Dog and the Canteloupe Kid, but not one is a friend like Mortimer. It is as he contemplates his general boredom with life that the First Mercurian Invasion takes place.
The first to notice that the aliens are invading Earth, Watermelon Man leaps into action and runs towards the landing spot of the Space Egg transport. Falling easily into the careful trap laid by the cunning Lord Kuthumi, he is cornered by two aliens and shot. The aliens, now without human resistance, begin their conquest of Earth in the small town of Frankfort.
City Hall soon sends word to Mortimer, who returns to avenge what he believes is Watermelon Man's death. As soon as he arrives, he puts an end to the deadly onslaught of Mercurian troops. Mortimer's mission is complicated, though, when his long-lost sister Jaxine is discovered to be working with the aliens. Under the name Andromeda Jax, the cyborged houyhnm has been warped both physically and mentally. When Moritmer hesitates to stop her, she single-handedly wipes out most of Frankfort's population of 29. Mortimer confronts her, but Kuthumi arrives and the two teleport away. The next day, Mortimer runs to the beach in search of the aliens, resolved now to do anything to stop her rampage. In a final battle between brother and sister, Jaxine claims that she is responsible for Watermelon Man's "death." Mortimer then flies into a rage, knocking her into the sand and moving on to face Kuthumi. But the already weakened hobby-horse is no match for the Mercurian Lord. Kuthumi prepares to strike the final blow.
With a high pitched scream, Jaxine shoots through the air and knocks Kuthumi unconcious. A final unselfish act reveals that there is good left in her, after all. Recovering from the battle with Kuthumi, Mortimer tries to stop her, but Jaxine teleports the aliens aboard the Space Egg and flies away to self-destruct the mothership. First, though, she reveals that Watermelon Man has simply been transmogrified, and gives instructions for a reversal of the process. Mortimer gives it the "old college try," and returns Watermelon Man to his human state. They then discuss Jaxine's fate and the nature of good and evil.
Once reunited, Mortimer and Watermelon Man become big-time superheroes once again. Their talents are called upon whenever evil strikes the CSA, and the two even travel to St. Louis, Missouri in order to stop the Second Mercurian Invasion of Earth. These times are eventful for our heroes, as they move into the national spotlight as defenders of all Earth's people. Mortimer's soul is cleansed, and Watermelon Man's loneliness is all but cured. Today, Watermelon Man and Mortimer are respected everywhere and feared by any evil-doer. They are among the world's foremost heroes.
Their story, however, is not one with an easy conclusion. Like anyone, they have lives which continue beyond some simple victory and "happily ever after." New challenges are yet to come, along with new triumphs and new failures. None know what the future might hold, but Watermelon Man and Mortimer are okay with that.
Back to the Untitled Home Page.